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Raising A Feminist Daughter
The Mass Narrative of Welcoming a New Baby's Arrival Involves Pink or Blue Balloons; Being a Feminist Gets Difficult When Adding the "Parent" Title to the Mix.
When you become a parent, family, friends, strangers — everyone — becomes a parenting expert. Raising a daughter while maintaining feminist values may interfere with what people see as right. Family members may roll their eyes when you ask them not to buy Disney princess gifts for your daughter. Friends might ask why the baby room will not be painted pink. You can face accusations of placing politics before proper parenting. But the personal is political.
Raising a feminist daughter doesn't at all mean restricting her fun. Forbes contributor Anushay Hossain writes about how she is told by friends and family that she's ruining fun by discouraging princess gifts for her daughter. “As a feminist, I just cannot watch others label my daughter, and subconsciously encourage her to grow up to be a woman who dreams of being saved by a man,” she says. “People will tell me to relax my feminist policing, but I stick up for teaching my daughter that life is about being able to 100% rely on yourself.”
Feminist values don't mean abolishing all things feminine and sticking to masculine aesthetics only. They mean the abolishment of gender scripting all together. Feminist parenting means teaching your daughter that when she picks a toy plane from the dentist’s prize box and the receptionist asks, “Don’t you want a girl’s toy instead?” your daughter can knowingly respond, “There is no such thing as boys' things and girls' things.” A young girl playing princess isn’t the problem; the problem is when playing princess is the only option she is given.
It's odd that, while mass culture is telling our daughters that they're supposed to be girly — and showing them how to perform this way — our culture also discourages female bonding. Growing up female, you're encouraged to compete with other girls. Being “one of the guys” isn’t the exception. It’s the ideal: be the only girl boys are paying attention to.
On the topic of Disney princesses, author Peggy Orenstein points out in her book Cinderella Ate My Daughter that when the princesses are pictured in a group, they're not looking at each other. “There is only one princess in the Disney tales, one girl who gets to be exalted,” she writes. “Princesses may confide in a sympathetic mouse or teacup, but they do not have girlfriends. God forbid Snow White should give Sleeping Beauty a little support. Let's review: princesses avoid female bonding. Their goals are to be saved by a prince, get married, and be taken care of the rest of their lives.”
Again, it's about options. Feminism isn’t about turning our daughters into tom boys. It's about teaching them that being a girl is just as valuable as being a child of any gender. In fact, feminist parenting is about treating our children as people — not as pink and blue balloons.
Feature image by Hillary Di Menna
Hillary Di Menna
Author
Hillary Di Menna is a freelance journalist who manages to publish her scribblings while raising a six-year-old skateboarding ballerina and sharing her home with two snuggly black cats. Her parenting blog, Misfit Matriarch, follow her adventures in parenting. You can find all her work at
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