Lifestyle / These Are The Reasons Why You Need To Stop Using “Should”

These Are The Reasons Why You Need To Stop Using “Should”

Lifestyle Mar 23, 2022

by Rachna Sethi

We all know that words matter. However, understanding what types of words to avoid is imperative. We will examine the negative impact the word “should” can have on our mental health. Here are two major tips on how to reframe it as a way to practice self-care and mindful self-compassion.

Are you constantly “shoulding” yourself? Are you feeling a sense of stress about how you “should” feel and the things you “should” do? If you feel like you’re caught up in a “should-storm,” and it’s taking a toll on your mental health, please know that you’re not alone.

In a culture where toxic positivity is on the rise and the concept of productivity is heavily tied to constantly doing things, it’s easy to fall into a space of feeling overwhelmed by how we think we should feel and all the things we think we should do.

When it comes to practicing self-care, there’s no single practice that that will work for all of us. However, there are certain, conscious choices we can make to better support our mental health and wellness and bringing attention to our self-dialogue and is one of them. How we talk to ourselves (and/or each other), impacts us on a conscious and subconscious level. When we use regularly use the word “should” as a part of our self-dialogue, it can make us feel like we aren’t enough which can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, sadness, stress, anger, depression and/or anxiety.

So, what can we do when we feel our minds moving to an unhealthy and unhelpful thought process of “shoulding” ourselves?

These Are The Reasons Why You Need To Stop Using "Should" — **These Are The Reasons Why You Need To Stop Using “Should”: There are certain choices we can make to ensure we get the right self-care**. Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

First, bring awareness to the sensation of the “should-storm” brewing.

Notice your emotions and talk to yourself with mindful self-compassion:

“oh…look at that, I’m starting to put pressure on myself about how I should feel and/or all the things I should do.

I’m starting to forget that I’m a human being that’s allowed to feel a full range of emotions.

I’m starting to forget that I cannot do everything all-of the time.

I’m starting to give too much attention to all of the things I haven’t done instead of celebrating all the things I’m accomplishing.”

Second, shift your stressful “should” statements to be more compassionate and empowering.

If the “should” self-talk is arising due to a pressure about how you’re feeling, replace it with a statement that validates your emotions.

For example:

“I shouldn’t be sad about this break-up anymore, it’s been a few months, I should get over it. What’s wrong with me?”

Try replacing it with:

“I still feel sad about my relationship ending and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with me for valuing love and wanting affection, they are basic human needs. Healing doesn’t have a timeline.”

Another example:

“I shouldn’t be frustrated with my job. I should feel grateful to still be employed especially when other people in the world have bigger problems.”

Try replacing it with:

“I’m frustrated with my job right now and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful to be employed and/or not aware that there are other challenges out there. My feelings are a reminder that I’m human and part of that experience includes feeling frustrated sometimes.

If the “should” self-talk is arising due to feelings that you aren’t doing enough, replace it with self-talk that celebrates all your accomplishments.

For example:

“I should be able to cook a fresh dinner and do all the cleaning tonight. I shouldn’t feel so tired, just because I worked all day. I should stop being so lazy.”

Try replacing it with:

“I’m making the choice to cook a fresh dinner tonight. As a result, some of the cleaning will get done tomorrow. I work hard and it’s natural for my mind and body to need rest. I’m smart for slowing down and prioritizing my self-care.”

Main Image Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Rachna Sethi

Author

Rachna (@thesassyspiritual) is a graduate of the Applied Mindfulness Meditation program from the University of Toronto, a certified Educator with two bachelor degrees and a diploma in Art Therapy. She's dedicated to living with a compassionate approach. Committed to helping people integrate Mindfuln...

COMMENTS

East African Fusion Fare Tempts The Palate At London's Purple Flame

How To Let Go Of What No Longer Serves You

A Checklist To Show You If You Need A Therapist

We Tell You Why "Brown Girl Like Me" By Jaspreet Kaur Is Book We've Been Waiting For

Veeraswamy Showcases Their Regal Heritage Through Cuisine In London

Tips On How To Communicate With Your Partner During Challenging Times

EQ Insights: These Key Steps Will Raise Your Emotional Intelligence

Culinary Delights From Tamil Nadu Is Celebrated At London's Chettinad Restaurant

3 Ways To Practice Positivity

International Women's Day 2022: ANOKHI LIFE's 15 Most Inspiring South Asian Women

IWD 2022: How Women Can Let Go Of Life's Toughest Burdens & Live Free

IWD 2022: Refocus Your Finances To Empower Your Most Daring Dreams As A Woman

Hot March 2022 Tech Gadgets That You Need Now

Give Your Home Splashes Of Periwinkle: Pantone Colour Of The Year

How To Tell If You're A Victim Of Gaslighting

Broken Heart Syndrome: Tips On How To Detect This Fatal Heart Disease That's Affecting Women

South Asian Dining Elevated Thanks To Madhu's At The Grove In Hertfordshire

We Tell You Why Dr. Monica Vermani’s Uplifting Book “A Deeper Wellness” Is What Your Soul Needs

This Is The Best Way To Break Up

Here's How To Support Someone Struggling With Depression Or Anxiety

How To Spring Clean The Energy In Your Home

How Being Kind Can Significantly Boost Your Immune System

Manjal At Canary Wharf Creates Scrumptious Sri Lankan Cuisine

Here's How EDMR Therapy Programs Your Brain So You Don't Feel So Helpless

Clean Your Clutter And Add Some Colour For Fresh Spring Vibes

How To Recover From Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Earth Day 2022: Why Our Lives Depend On The Save Soil Movement By Sadhguru

Here's How To Break Your Long Term Bad Habits

Travel: How To Get The Most From Your Weekend In Budapest

Looking For A Mindful Coach? Here's How To Spot The Fakers

How To Avoid Turning Your Words Into Weapons When It Comes To Mental Health

These Are The Reasons Why You Need To Stop Using “Should”

by Rachna Sethi

Rachna Sethi

COMMENTS

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE