Lifestyle / Let’s Talk … About Your Relationship with You!

Let’s Talk … About Your Relationship with You!

Lifestyle Jan 25, 2023

by Dr. Monica Vermani

In the spirit of Bell’s Let Talk Day today, we take a look at how you can let go of negative self-talk and self-beliefs that prevent you from living the life you want.

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.

Our thoughts are powerful things. One thought at a time, our thoughts shape our lives. When our thoughts about who we are, what we can achieve, and what we deserve support us and make us feel confident, hopeful, and optimistic, all’s well. But most of us are walking around with self-deprecating thoughts and beliefs about ourselves that limit our potential and hold us back from living the life we want.

As a clinical psychologist, I spend a lot of my time working with patients to clean up negative beliefs and inaccurate thoughts that impede their happiness, progress, and sense of hope and worthiness in the world. The reality of everything we do, everyone, and everything we attract, attain and achieve in this world begins with our relationship with ourselves. It’s this relationship — how we talk to, treat, and think about ourselves —that is the most important relationship in our life.

Here’s the problem: many of us go through life without much thought about how we talk to and treat ourselves. But here’s the good news: no matter how hard we are on ourselves, the reality is that we have the power to change our relationship with ourselves. Change involves understanding where our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves come from, and how we can let go of the ones that no longer serve us.

Let’s Talk … About Your Relationship with You! — **Let’s Talk … About Your Relationship with You: Change involves understanding where our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves come from, and how we can let go of the ones that no longer serve us.** Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Where These Negative Self-Beliefs Come From

We all have blueprints and core beliefs from early childhood. We absorb and learn through modeled behaviors, thoughts about how the world works, how relationships work, how to behave, and what we can expect of the world. These thoughts about ourselves and the world are foundational and remain with us throughout our lives.

Once we reach school age, we expand out into the world, eyes wide open, and begin a lifetime of accumulating even more thoughts and perceptions from societal influences; our culture, the economy, peer groups, and other sources, like mass media and social media. We also learn, absorb, and judge ourselves as a result of our experiences in the roles we take on, in our careers, our relationships, and our community.

In order to have a supportive and healthy relationship with ourselves, it is important that we look at the accumulated thoughts and beliefs that are no longer accurate or true, and no longer serve us. This allows us to let go and make room for healthier, more accurate, and self-supporting thoughts and beliefs.

Looking At What No Longer Serves Us

It’s important to look at and challenge thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve us.

Here’s an example. A lot of us have been brought up to believe that we should never say no when someone asks for our help. While helping others can be kind and compassionate, in reality, there are times when dealing with the demands of work and family leaves us little time for self-care and rest. At times like this, piling on additional responsibilities can be stressful and harmful to ourselves.

Being taught to be nice, kind, and selfless can lead to confusion in adulthood when it a situation requires that you stand up for yourself when being treated unfairly. The selfless blueprint could lead to confusion and conflict around factoring your best interests, needs, and dreams into the equation of your life, and a lifetime of diminished self-worth.

Identifying Thoughts And Beliefs That No Longer Serve Us

Not all long-held thoughts and beliefs are problematic, of course. What distinguishes problematic thoughts and beliefs from healthy, supportive ones is that the problematic ones cause us problems! They can diminish our sense of self, enable others and leave us depleted and confused. They can leave us feeling trapped in low self-esteem. They can prevent us from establishing healthy boundaries, and hold us back from living our best and fullest life.

How To Let Go

It is important to examine our entrenched thoughts and beliefs about how the world works, how relationships work, and what life is all about when we are feeling conflicted about what we think we should do, versus what we really want to do, say, or choose. If the message ‘be nice and polite’ is holding you back from standing up for yourself in situations where you are being mistreated or taken advantage of, consider rethinking whether this belief has a place in your life.

If the belief that your career choice should be dictated by what a parent, grandparent, or partner wants for you, rather than what interests and inspires you, the sooner that belief is challenged and revised, the better!

Staying Connected To Ourselves

It is important that we stay connected to our feelings, and to what’s really happening in the present life. It is essential to examine the beliefs that are no longer accurate, and no longer serve us. We need to give ourselves permission to let go of what no longer serves us, and replace our negative, limiting beliefs about ourselves with more adaptive, supportive, and healthy thoughts that align with who we want to be, and what we want for ourselves. We can let go of, redefine and replace thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve us.

Dr. Monica Vermani’s five steps to letting go of thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve you

Identify and reflect on how your negative self-beliefs and thoughts have impacted or influenced your choices and relationships.

Give yourself permission to discard self-beliefs that no longer you, even if they came from someone you love, admire, and respect.

Rewrite and replace problematic thoughts and beliefs with ones that support and serve you, and raise your self-confidence and sense of hope for the future.

Pay attention to the benefits of the changes that take place as a result of your new, more authentic thoughts and beliefs

Go beyond yourself and seek the help of a mental health professional if you’re struggling with low self-worth and self-esteem.

Main Image Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

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Let’s Talk … About Your Relationship with You!

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani

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