Lifestyle /
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: Help! My In-Laws Are Giving Me The Cold Shoulder
Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.
Dear Dr. Monica,
I never thought I’d be writing to a magazine for advice, but here I am. Last year, after 12 years of marriage, my husband and I separated for a few months. I am happy to say that we were able to work on our marriage while we were apart, and we’re back together, and is better than ever.
The problem I am having is that my husband’s sisters and mother (she is a widow) are treating me very coldly, excluding me in small ways that my husband barely notices but that hurts me a lot. For example, we get together once a week at my mother-in-law’s home for family dinners. As I love to bake, my mother-in-law usually requests one of my specialties. But since getting back together, she has purchased desserts, and declined my offers to contribute to these dinners in any way. There are other small examples of slights and signs that I am no longer considered a part of the family.
I would like to address this directly, but my husband says not to take what they do so personally, and to give them time, that they will come around, and that things will be back to normal before I know it. I’m not so sure. Do you have any advice for me?
— In-law outcast
Dear Outcast,
First, the good news: I am glad to hear that the hard work you and your partner put into your marriage is paying off. Marriage is not all roses and sunshine, and your shared willingness to work on your relationship is commendable and underlies the strong bond and sense of commitment on both parts.
Now, here’s your challenge. One of the main reasons we suffer in life is that we don’t accept people as they are, and situations as they are. Accept that your separation may be causing residual discomfort and confusion within your partner’s family. Realize that it could take some time for your mother-in-law and your partner’s siblings to come around … however unfair this may feel. They may have erroneously blamed you for leaving their son or sibling. They may have felt that you deserted them as well. Your partner may have shared distressing feelings that led them to think harshly of you and draw unfair conclusions.
Don’t carry this burden alone. This is your partner’s family, after all, and he can and should play an active part in restoring a sense of comfort and well-being between you and his family. If you feel comfortable, reach out one-on-one with your sisters-in-law and mother-in-law. Let them know how much you value your relationship with them, and that you look forward to continuing to grow and support one another.
Main Image Photo Credit: www.pexels.com
Dr. Monica Vermani
Author
Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com
COMMENTS
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE
-
Not Into Flu Shots? Try These Centuries-Old Desi Home Remedies Instead!
-
Diwali Gift Guide: Barbie® Diwali Doll & 8 More Unique South Asian Gift Ideas
-
From Turkey To Tadka: Desi-Inspired Thanksgiving Recipes
-
Mommy's Time-Out: How To Reclaim Your Zen After The Back-to-School Scramble
-
Khichdi Cups & 5 South Asian School Lunch Recipes For Busy Desi Parents
-
6 Complaints Desi Grandparents Have About Keeping Pets & How You Can Counter Them
-
Raksha Bandhan Gift Guide: Celebrate The Festival With A Modern Twist!
-
Summer Elixirs: Healthy South Asian Cooling Drink Recipes To Beat The Heat
-
Stay Cool: Build a Summer Garden Oasis At Home With Tulsi & Shade
-
Celebrating International Yoga Day: Find Your Balance Through Chakra Meditation
-
Spice Up Your Summer BBQ With These 5 Mouthwatering South Asian Recipes
-
South Asian Heritage Month: Journey Through Time With 8 Iconic South Asian Travel Destinations
-
How To Add Ancient South Asian Spiritual Cleansing Rituals To Modern Spring Cleaning Techniques
-
Toronto's Living Luxe Design Show Sets a New Standard for Luxury Exhibitions
-
Savouring South Asian Style: Elevate Your Home Decor with Cultural Flair
-
6 Ways To Create Fun Quality Time With Your Kids & Parents That Both Will Love!
-
Celebrating South Asian Literature: Must-Read Books by Female Authors
-
Flavourful Festivities: Traditional Holi Recipes To Spice Up Your Table
-
The Living Luxe Design Show Presented By JennAir Announces Powerhouse Program Of Speakers
-
7 Ways Yoga Will Save Your Mental Health
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Can I Convince My Friend That Her Threatening Boyfriend Is The Problem, Not Me?
-
10 Tips To Manage & Survive Long-Distance Relationships
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I'm Afraid My Childhood Bully Will Be Back In My Life, What Do I Do?
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Create "Me Time" In My Demanding Life?
-
Hot Spot Alert: Mishree Cocktails & Cuisine Exhilarates With South Asian X Middle Eastern Cuisine
-
BioAro Founder Dr. Anmol Kapoor Wants You To Be The CEO Of Your Health
-
Savour the Holidays With This Paneer Pakora Recipe By KFI Sauces!
-
Here's How To Craft And Achieve Meaningful New Year's Resolutions
-
Snack It Up This Holiday Season with Indian-Inspired Potato Wedges by KFI Sauces
-
Butter Chicken Nachos Recipe By KFI Sauces Is Perfect For Your Holiday Spread
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Friend She's Taking My Emotional Support For Granted?
-
Anjali Pathak of Patak's Shares Her Favourite Recipes For The Holiday Season
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: Why Does Our Family Get Togethers Always End With A Fight?
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Sis-In-Law To Stop Intruding In My Daughter's Wedding Plans?
-
Event Alert: The Auric Living Conference Brings Holistic Healing To Toronto
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I'm On The Outs With My Friend Because I Supported Her Breakup What Do I Do?
-
Event Alert: The Desai Foundation Rings In 10th Anniversary of "Diwali On The Hudson" Gala
-
South Asians & Arthritis: Busting Myths And Sharing Facts About This Disease In Our Community
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Kids That My Granddaughter's Best Friend Is A Bully?
-
Make Your Brunch Brilliant With This French Buckwheat Crepes & Dosas Recipe!
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Sis-In-Law That Her Messy Dog Is Not Welcome At My House?
-
You Just Need A Hot Pot To Make This Amazing Masala Style Vegan Tomato Soup
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Friend To Stop Interrupting Me?
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Trust My Husband After He Cheated On Me?
-
Check Out This Insane Recipe For Mini Masala Idli
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Brother That His Cottage Rules Ruins All The Fun?
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: What Do I Do When My Fiancé Shares His Dog With His Ex?
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Partner That Our Six-Year-Old Is To Young For Sleepovers?
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Deal With My Friend Who Always Wants To Start A Fight?
-
Here's Why Paris Calls Tharshan Selvarajah The Best Baguette Baker In The City
-
Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: Help! My Bestie Roommate Is A Nightmare
-
Pride 2023: Why Is India's Supreme Court Taking So Long To Legalize Same Sex Marriage?
