Lifestyle / Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Brother Doesn’t Think My Aging Mom Should Stop Driving But I Do!

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Brother Doesn’t Think My Aging Mom Should Stop Driving But I Do!

Lifestyle Feb 28, 2023

by Dr. Monica Vermani

We continue our series where Dr. Monica Vermani answers questions about live, love and everything in between.

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.

Dear Dr. Monica,

My siblings and I are arguing over what to do about our aging mother, specifically, her driving. She is not yet at the age where her abilities are regularly tested, but over the past few years, she has become less confident behind the wheel and often hesitates when performing simple maneuvers like lane changes or left turns. Being a passenger in her car has become a hair-raising experience. My sister and I have both been in the car when my mother narrowly avoided collisions, and we are in agreement that we should — at least temporarily — take away her car keys until we can get a sense of what is going on. But my brother says that doing this will crush her and that if we do it, we can’t expect him to start driving our mother around. While we generally get along and have a great relationship, I find my brother’s unwillingness to acknowledge the situation as it is, distressing and confusing. How do we manage this fraught situation?

Signed, Distressed

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Brother Doesn't Think My Aging Mom Should Stop Driving But I Do! — Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Brother Doesn’t Think My Aging Mom Should Stop Driving But I Do: My brother says that doing this will crush her and that if we do it, we can’t expect him to start driving our mother around. Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dear Distressed,

You and your sister are right to be concerned about your mother’s diminishing confidence and ability as a driver. And I suspect that your brother is equally concerned, though possibly in denial of the challenging and dangerous potential of your mother’s decline.

The reality is that doing nothing about this is not an option, and the longer you procrastinate addressing this problem, the higher the risks to your mother and the general public. It is critical that you address this issue as soon as possible, even without your brother’s cooperation or blessing.

If you or your sister regularly manages and/or accompanies your mother to her doctor’s appointments, make an appointment with her doctor to address your concerns. If not, consult with your doctor about what to do. Your mother may be experiencing a vision, hearing, or another physiological issue that she is reluctant to share.

Denial is never a good choice when it comes to the health and safety of our loved ones, even when we fear or dread what we may find. In the case of your mother’s capacity to drive, denial is definitely not an option. The sooner you address your mother’s problematic driving head-on, the safer you, your family, and the driving public will be.

Main Image Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

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Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Brother Doesn’t Think My Aging Mom Should Stop Driving But I Do!

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