Lifestyle / Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Love Constantly Wants To Be With Me And I’m Exhausted

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Love Constantly Wants To Be With Me And I’m Exhausted

Lifestyle Jun 21, 2023

by Dr. Monica Vermani

We continue our series where Dr. Monica Vermani answers questions about live, love and everything in between.

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.

Dear Dr. Monica,

I’m in love and exhausted. After years of wondering if I’d ever find the love of my life, I have finally met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. We have met one another’s families and friends, and I guess you could say we’re officially in the honeymoon phase of our relationship.

I should be over the moon, but I am exhausted. My man wants to spend every waking hour — apart from work — with me. I’ve bailed on plans with girlfriends, scheduled my working day around his commitments, and I’ve even canceled dinner with my parents at the last minute when he showed up at my door with flowers and homemade lasagna.

I’ve barely had time to squeeze in a visit to my hair stylist, canceled manicures twice, missed a dentist appointment, and my friends are starting to take my absence personally. Is this normal? Should I just enjoy the intensity of this special time while it lasts? Help!

Signed, Overwhelmed

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Love Constantly Wants To Be With Me And I'm Exhausted — **Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Love Constantly Wants To Be With Me And I’m Exhausted: “Overwhelmed” appreciates all the attention but she needs a break.** Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dear Overwhelmed,

No matter how much in love you are feeling right now, if you’re canceling plans with friends, ditching your parents at the last minute (eek!), and neglecting your self-care, you need to dial it back a bit. Awareness of a problem, after all, is the first step to addressing it.

The beginning stage of a relationship is a very special time. It’s natural to spend more time than you otherwise would together, but it is important to maintain your relationships with friends and family members and honor your commitments to yourself and the life that you have built. It is important that you remain focused on fulfilling your life tasks and responsibilities.

This strategy is good for you, for your new partner, and for your relationship. Here’s why. When you prioritize your needs and responsibilities, you are setting healthy boundaries around your finite resources of time and energy. You are signaling to your new partner that you are confident and capable of taking care of yourself, and you are signaling to him that he is free to do the same. And pay attention if your new partner is resistant to your need to set healthy boundaries, as such behaviors signal potential unhealthy love bombing and control issues.

Start taking back control of your time and energy. Rather than work around your new partner’s schedule, keep to a schedule that works for you. Take time for the appointments you’ve been canceling, avoiding, and missing. Make time for friends and family.

Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. Consider the fact that your new partner may be just as exhausted and overwhelmed as you are. After all, you’re not the only one adjusting to this new phase of life. You might both be grappling with finding balance in the midst of a life-changing whirlwind romance.

Enjoy the ride, but start factoring yourself into the equation of this new phase of life! Stay grounded in who you are. Take care of your needs. And to stay connected to the people in your life who have supported you and celebrated your happiness and will continue to do so.

Main Image Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

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Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Love Constantly Wants To Be With Me And I’m Exhausted

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani

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