Lifestyle / Ask Dr Monica Vermani: Her 5 Break Up Rules You Should Know

Ask Dr Monica Vermani: Her 5 Break Up Rules You Should Know

Lifestyle Nov 21, 2022

by Dr. Monica Vermani

We are excited to launch our series where Dr. Monica Vermani answers questions about live, love and everything in between.

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.

Dr. Monica:

Several months ago, after doing everything we could to make our relationship work, my fiancé and I called it quits. After all this time, I am still struggling to let go and move on. We still see each other occasionally as friends, but I find myself constantly checking his posts on social media, obsessing over what he is doing and who he is seeing. I have no interest in meeting someone new and feel hopelessly stuck in the past, while my ex is happily back in the dating game.

What am I doing wrong, and how can I move on?

‘Stuck’ in San Francisco

Dear Stuck,

The end of a romantic relationship can be a deeply upsetting and confusing time. It’s not unusual to find it difficult to move on. You can’t go back and change the past few painful months, but you can choose to make your way forward in a way that frees you from remaining stuck.

I have five relationship break-up rules, and it seems to me that, so far, amongst your challenges, you have done a lot of things right. You have followed Rule #1 — give your relationship your best shot before breaking up — to a tee. You can move forward with the knowledge that you did your best to make your relationship work.

Rule #2: Conduct yourself impeccably. Since you seem to be on amicable terms with your former partner, and even see him socially on occasion — more about that in rule four — I assume that you are conducting yourself in a way that you can be proud of under the circumstances.

Dr. Monica Vermani's 5 Relationship Break Up Rules You Need To Know — **Dr. Monica Vermani’s 5 Relationship Break Up Rules You Need To Know: Rule #2 is paramount.** Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Rule #3: Treat yourself with kindness and compassion — is where you start to run into troubled waters. While you should allow yourself to feel bad, sorry for yourself, and a little afraid, you need to watch out for negative self-talk, and prolonged low moods. If you find you’re still struggling with feeling shame, failure, and loss, it could be time to seek professional help.

Rule #4: Set and maintain healthy boundaries for yourself — is where a lot of your missteps seem to come to light. The first thing you need do is to unfollow your ex on social media. Next, press pause on maintaining contact with your former partner. Give yourself time to move on. Reconnect as friends further down the road. Maintaining contact after a break-up often causes more harm, especially when one person is struggling to move on.

Dr. Monica Vermani's 5 Relationship Break Up Rules You Need To Know: It's going to be hard but you need to unfollow your ex on social. Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com — **Dr. Monica Vermani’s 5 Relationship Break Up Rules You Need To Know: It’s going to be hard but you need to unfollow your ex on social.** Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Finally, Rule #5: Make your faith in yourself bigger than your fear — will set you up for future success. I devoted two whole chapters in my book, A Deeper Wellness, to exploring the purpose of suffering, and how the obstacles in our lives help us learn and grow. Acknowledge how much you have learned from your past relationship. Realize that you can build on what you have learned. Have faith that these lessons will help you build a stronger, healthier relationship the next time around. Remember, you are here to live your best life, and find the partner who aligns with your values, and supports and shares your goals, hopes, and dreams.

Best,

Dr. Monica Vermani, C. Psych.

*Keep an eye on this space for more answers by Dr. Monica Vermani!

Main Image Photo Credit: www.pexels.com

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

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Ask Dr Monica Vermani: Her 5 Break Up Rules You Should Know

by Dr. Monica Vermani

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