Lifestyle / Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Boyfriend Is Pressuring Me To Attend His Sister’s Wedding But I Can’t Afford It

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Boyfriend Is Pressuring Me To Attend His Sister’s Wedding But I Can’t Afford It

Lifestyle Mar 14, 2023

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.

Dear Dr. Monica,

I’ve been invited to my boyfriend’s sister’s destination wedding. While I appreciate the invitation, as a student on a limited budget, I can’t afford to go. I told my boyfriend that the only way I could attend is if he helps me with my travel and accommodation costs. He has a great job but is saving money to buy a condo, so I understand that he doesn’t want to waste money. He says that his sister will be hurt if I don’t go and that if the situation were reversed, he would go, and would never ask me to help pay his way. (His expenses are being covered by his parents, who are also paying for his married brother and his wife to attend.)

I don’t feel bad that he is unwilling to help me pay for this expense. I respect his decision, and I certainly don’t feel like he is being unkind to me because of this. But I do feel as though he is pressuring me into doing something I don’t feel comfortable doing. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to disappoint my boyfriend and his family, but I don’t want to drain my bank account for this. I feel terrible about not attending but see no other way. Should I go anyway, and get a part-time job to top up my bank balance?

What should I do?

— Loser, no matter what I decide

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Boyfriend Is Pressuring Me To Attend His Sister's Wedding But I Can't Afford It — **Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Boyfriend Is Pressuring Me To Attend His Sister’s Wedding But I Can’t Afford It: His parents are paying for him to attend while he saves money for his condo.** Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dear Loser,

You sound to me like anything but a loser! In fact, through your ability to think critically about your dilemma, you are demonstrating an ability to set healthy boundaries and manage your finite resources extremely well, despite pressures from your boyfriend. The reality is that, for many people, attending a destination wedding is simply not possible.

As for how to handle your boyfriend’s attempts to pressure you into acting against your own better judgment, accept that he is unwilling to help with the cost of your attendance. Convey definitively your decision to decline the invitation due to your financial situation. Send your regrets along with a gift you can afford to the bride and groom, and wish them a wonderful wedding. Believe me when I tell you that they will not take your inability to attend their wedding personally.

Resist any inclination you may have to continue to discuss your attendance at this wedding. Your boyfriend should accept your decision, and understand that just as he is prioritizing his longer-term financial goals and well-being, you are doing the same.

As a clinical psychologist, I advise people to give from their overflow, not from their well. In your case, your well is your budget, the resource that is supporting you while you pursue your studies. If you had excess money that is to say, and overflow — you would no doubt be using that to attend this wedding.

Kudos for sticking to your guns and taking care of yourself!

Main Image Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

COMMENTS

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I Can't Say No To People Without Feeling Guilty

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: Help! I Can't Stop Shopping!

5 Ways To Build A Great Relationship With Yourself This Valentine's Day

We Tell You Why Now Is The Perfect Time To Invest

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: Help! I Need To Move Out Of My Parents' House

Zabardast Serves Up Delish Desi Delights

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Brother Doesn't Think My Aging Mom Should Stop Driving But I Do!

Why Seattle’s Anti-Caste Law Is An Historic Power Move For Human Rights

7 South Asian Female Fitness Pros Who Will Level Up Your Workouts

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: Help! My In-Laws Are Giving Me The Cold Shoulder

IWD 2023: 11 Inspirational Quotes From Powerful South Asian Women

Warm Up To The Fusion Delights Of Ushna in Dubai

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: Help! My Underage Nephew Expects Me To Buy Booze For Him

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I Had A Miscarriage And Our Family's "Be Grateful" Sentiments Really Hurt

Tour The World At Dubai's Amazing Global Village

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Rude Friend Is Mortifying!

The Dishes That Asha Bhosle Wants You To Try At Her Resto Asha's In Dubai

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: Help! My Office Romance Wants To Keep Us A Secret

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My In-Laws Introduces Our Kids As Their "Adopted" Grandkids

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: My Boyfriend Is Pressuring Me To Attend His Sister’s Wedding But I Can’t Afford It

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani

COMMENTS

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE