Lifestyle / Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I Can’t Say No To People Without Feeling Guilty

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I Can’t Say No To People Without Feeling Guilty

Lifestyle Jan 30, 2023

by Dr. Monica Vermani

We continue our series where Dr. Monica Vermani answers questions about live, love and everything in between.

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.

Dear Dr. Monica,

I’m a high school senior, so I’m under a lot of pressure to get good grades. I also play a lot of sports and have a part-time job as a life guard. I’m super busy, but I could handle all this if it weren’t for one thing: I my babysitting clients! I can’t seem to say no when someone asks me to babysit, even though I already have a part-time job, and don’t want to babysit anymore. But I feel guilty turning down people I used to work for, so I always say yes, then have to cancel plans with friends, or stay up late doing homework and studying! What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I say no? And what can I do to fix this?

Signed, Pushover

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: Help! I Can't Say No To People Without Feeling Guilty — Ask Dr. Monica Ve:rmani: Help! I Can’t Say No To People Without Feeling Guilty: “Pushover” is working around the clock including babysittinf because of the fear of letting people down by saying “no”. Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dear Pushover,

I’m so glad you wrote in with this question … and the answer to this question could just change your life!

We all have life tasks and responsibilities — work, study, social, family, self-care, and others. As you continue make your way in the world, your life tasks will only increase. At some point, you will have to need to prioritize our life tasks and responsibilities. This means putting yourself first, and factoring your needs into the equation of your life.

You take on babysitting responsibilities even when there is something else you need or want to do because you feel guilty when you say no. Here’s what guilt is: a conflict between what we want for ourselves and what someone else wants from us. Guilt, in your case, shows up when people who have come to rely on you to babysit for them want your time and energy, when you have other plans and activities you want and need for yourself.

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I Can't Say No To People Without Feeling Guilty — **Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I Can’t Say No To People Without Feeling Guilty: It’s okay to say no!** Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

When guilt shows up, it requires attention! Next time you feel guilty, ask yourself: Should I put someone else’s needs before my own, or should I prioritize what is going on in my life, and just say no? Rather than saying yes when you want to say no, you could choose to take control of your time, and energy. When you say no to something you do not want to do, you prevent yourself from feeling depleted and diminished by making promises or sacrifices that leave you exhausted and disappointed in yourself!

Here’s another upside to saying no to your babysitting clients. When you make it clear that you are no longer able to take on babysitting work, your clients will benefit by finding a new babysitter – or babysitters — to fill the gap. They will soon realize and come to accept that you have outgrown your former role, and they will find new resources to meet their needs. And somewhere out there, there will be someone who will be grateful for the opportunity to babysit.

Main Image Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

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Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I Can’t Say No To People Without Feeling Guilty

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani

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