Lifestyle / Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Friend She’s Taking My Emotional Support For Granted?

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Friend She’s Taking My Emotional Support For Granted?

Lifestyle Dec 13, 2023

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dear Dr. Monica,

I’m a 55-year-old woman, with a busy career, a family, great friends, and Sheila (not her real name), who is proving to be highly problematic for me. Sheila and I have been friends since we were teens, and her friendship means a lot to me, and as a result, I am struggling with how to handle the situation that has become a pattern.

Sheila leads a very busy social life. She has been divorced for a decade, is actively dating, and looking for a new life partner, and puts a lot of effort into meeting new people and expanding her social circle. The problem I have with Shelia is that she never reaches out to me to be part of any of her many fun weekend trips, events, or parties. I hear from her only when she is struggling in her dating life, or in her relationships with her elderly mother, her kids, and her siblings.

She claims that I’m her best friend, that I know the story of her life and that I’m the only one she can talk to and trust to talk about her problems. While this may be true, I feel used and taken for granted by someone who claims to be a friend. And, since she only sees me when she is consumed and overwhelmed by her own troubles, it never feels like the right time to talk to her about this!

I have tried being proactive and suggesting meeting for lunch or going to the theatre together, but she is so busy with her social life and dating that she’s never able to commit to a plan with me.

What should I do about my foul-weather friend?

Signed

Foul-weather friend

Dear Friend,

Lives change. Friendships shift and evolve. But it sounds as though this friendship has devolved to the point where there is little in it for you, other than the nostalgia of that long shared history.

As difficult as it may be to pin Sheila down, it is important that you voice your concerns and let her know what you would like your relationship, moving forward. I can only assume from your long-standing friendship that Sheila is a worthy friend who has fallen into a pattern of all take and no give. Tell her that you need to talk to her and that it is important to you that she makes time to meet. Then, be honest and kind as you share your feelings and concerns.

After all, the reality is that a one-sided friendship is not a real and truthful one, It is one where one person is taking advantage of another, and another person is not honoring themselves.

Signed,

Dr. Monica Vermani

Main Image Photo Credit: Unsplash.com

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

COMMENTS

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Sis-In-Law To Stop Intruding In My Daughter's Wedding Plans?

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: Why Does Our Family Get Togethers Always End With A Fight?

Anjali Pathak of Patak's Shares Her Favourite Recipes For The Holiday Season

Butter Chicken Nachos Recipe By KFI Sauces Is Perfect For Your Holiday Spread

Snack It Up This Holiday Season with Indian-Inspired Potato Wedges by KFI Sauces

Here's How To Craft And Achieve Meaningful New Year's Resolutions

Savour the Holidays With This Paneer Pakora Recipe By KFI Sauces!

BioAro Founder Dr. Anmol Kapoor Wants You To Be The CEO Of Your Health

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Friend She’s Taking My Emotional Support For Granted?

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani

COMMENTS

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE