Lifestyle / Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Brother That His Cottage Rules Ruins All The Fun?

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Brother That His Cottage Rules Ruins All The Fun?

Lifestyle Aug 15, 2023

by Dr. Monica Vermani

We continue our series where Dr. Monica Vermani answers questions about life, love and everything in between.

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.

Dear Dr. Monica,

Help! I am fed up with my brother’s cottage and I don’t know what to do about it!

My brother and I have always been close. We live in the same community, and our children are the same age and grew up together, and we celebrate every holiday as one big, happy family. This all started to change for me a few years ago when my brother and his wife purchased a vacation home. They call it a cottage, but it’s really a big house on a lake, hours away from home. While at the cottage, everyone needs to obey his ‘cottage’ rules. These rules dictate everything from lights-out times and food restrictions, to chore schedules, and water usage. Every family get-together has to be at his cottage and requires extensive planning and tiring commutes back and forth, often in heavy traffic and bad weather.

I don’t want to hurt my brother’s feelings, but I find everything about this cottage stressful and exhausting. He’s still upset over the fact that I declined his invitation to stay for two weeks last summer. I find myself dreading our next family get-together, and resenting the extra work involved in ‘enjoying’ his cottage. I have no idea how to talk to my brother about how much I dislike his cottage life without upsetting him. I would really appreciate your advice!

Signed,
Sorry Sister

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Brother That His Cottage Rules Ruins All The Fun? — Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Brother That His Cottage Rules Ruins All The Fun: Sorry Sister is worried all this fun family time will be a distant memory if she brings up her issues with her brother. Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dear Sister,

First, the good news! You are blessed with a wonderful extended family, and especially with a life-long close relationship with your brother. The solution to your dilemma starts by talking with your brother … not about your issues with his cottage rules and regulations, but about negotiating a new deal around family get-togethers. Talk to your brother, one on one, about how much you appreciate his generosity around sharing his cottage, but that you would like to host some family gatherings at your home, that you enjoy doing so, and would like to make plans that everyone is happy with.

Whatever you do, do not criticize his attempts to manage his vacation property. Give him time and space to find a balance between managing the responsibilities that come with cottage ownership, and the purpose of a vacation home … to enjoy it! Keep your eye on what really matters here … your large, loving, and happy family. Don’t let anything spoil it!

Main Image Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

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Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Brother That His Cottage Rules Ruins All The Fun?

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani

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