Lifestyle / Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Partner That Our Six-Year-Old Is To Young For Sleepovers?

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Partner That Our Six-Year-Old Is To Young For Sleepovers?

Lifestyle Aug 01, 2023

by Dr. Monica Vermani

We continue our series where Dr. Monica Vermani answers questions about life, love and everything in between.

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.

Dear Dr. Monica,

My wife and I are at odds over our six-year-old daughter’s social life! Our daughter is a lively and very social little girl. Besides school friends, she also has friends from her dance and swimming classes. Almost every weekend, we seem to spend hours driving our daughter to and from birthday parties, which I feel seriously cuts into our family time.

If that weren’t bad enough, two recent invitations involve sleepovers. My wife is fine with this sort of invitation, and our daughter is excited about it as she has not yet been to a sleepover party, but I am uncomfortable with letting her go.

My wife says I am just being overly cautious and protective, but frankly, I am surprised that she is not worried about sending our little girl to a stranger’s house overnight. I don’t want this sleepover business to be the start of a lifetime of parenting conflicts, with me playing the role of the strict parent, and my wife taking sides with our daughter.

How can we deal with our differing opinions about what our daughter should and should not be allowed to do?

Signed,

Mr. No

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Partner That Our Six-Year-Old Is To Young For Sleepovers? — Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Partner That Our Six-Year-Old Is To Young For Sleepovers: “Mr. No” feels all the birthday parties their little girl attends is chipping away from their own family time, now he is not sure she is old enough for a sleepover. Photo Credit: www.pexels.com

Dear Mr. No,

There are no hard and fast rules around the right age for a child to be allowed to take part in sleepovers, and other extended periods of playtime with peers. Neither you nor your wife is in the wrong. You are not wrong to want to exercise reasonable caution, and she is not wrong for wanting your daughter to experience fun times with her friends.

As parents, a huge part of your job is to make sure your child is safe as they move out into the world. But another important part of any parent’s job is to allow their child reasonable, age-appropriate opportunities to expand their horizons and experience new things. Sleepovers for six-year-olds may be ambitious for children and parents alike, but they are not unheard of. As your child, based on your description, is socially confident, denying her the opportunity to join in with her friends may seem harsh and mean to her, and overly cautious to your partner.

You and your wife could reach out to host families, and talk about your concerns. You could arrange to attend the party along with your daughter, and let your daughter know that she can choose to come home with you rather than spend the night with her friends and that you will come and pick her up during the night if she feels she needs to go home. (If this were to happen, it would not be the first time a bleary-eyed parent picked their child up in the middle of a sleepover!)

As for your family dynamics, you may well be the more cautious parent, just as your wife may be more inclined to allow your daughter more freedom. What a wonderful combination for your daughter to have … strong protection and an appreciation of her need to enjoy her friends and try new things.

Now is the time for you and your wife to find a way to address both your concerns for your daughter’s well-being and your wife’s determination to grant your daughter reasonable, age-appropriate freedoms. If you are unable to find a way to agree, you will find insights, support, and strategies in couple’s therapy.

Main Image Photo Credit: www.unsplash.com

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

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Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Partner That Our Six-Year-Old Is To Young For Sleepovers?

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani

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