Lifestyle / Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Kids That My Granddaughter’s Best Friend Is A Bully?

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Kids That My Granddaughter’s Best Friend Is A Bully?

Lifestyle Oct 11, 2023

by Dr. Monica Vermani

We continue our series where Dr. Monica Vermani answers questions about life, love and everything in between.

Dr. Monica Vermani (@drmonicavermani) is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.

Dear Dr. Monica,

I am a very hands-on grannie, and enjoy spending three days a week taking care of my granddaughter after school and on the occasional weekend. There is only one problem with this arrangement, and it’s a troublesome one. My 7 year-old granddaughter has a very problematic best friend. In my view, this child is ill-mannered, disrespectful, and a social bully. She lies, taunts my granddaughter’s clothes, hair, and toys. She demands snacks, rejects food offered to her, and exhibits a number of troubling behaviors while spending time with my granddaughter under my supervision. She seems to resent that my granddaughter is a stronger swimmer than she is, and makes disparaging remarks about our family pool to avoid watching my granddaughter swim and dive while she barely moves when in the water.

Even more troubling is this child’s insistence that other children not be included in playdates and sleepovers. My granddaughter seems to go to great lengths to stay in the good graces of this child, and interacts very differently around her than she does with other children, with whom she seems more relaxed, playful and at ease.

My granddaughter claims this girl her best friend, but I see this child’s behavior as controlling and troubling. After a recent afternoon supervising these two girls, I shared my concerns with my son and daughter-in-law. They told me to lighten up and let their daughter choose her own friends. I responded that I would not be welcome in my home or during my time with my granddaughter.

Am I being too harsh, and too involved in my granddaughter’s toxic friendship?

Signed

Grumpy Grannie

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Kids That Their Young Daughter Is Being Bullied By Her Best Friend? — Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Kids That Their Young Daughter Is Being Bullied By Her Best Friend: “Grumpy Grannie” is worried that her 7 year-old granddaughter is being bullied by her “best friend”. Photo Credit: Unsplash

Dear Grannie,

Chances are that your instincts are correct, and that your granddaughter has a very problematic little friend.

Young children are learning from one another, how to interact, play, and build friendships. Your granddaughter is learning how different if feels to spend time with her friend as opposed to other children, with whom she has more fun.

Your best way forward is to lead by example. There are plenty of positive ways you can share your wisdom about friendships, and how to treat other people. You can talk to your granddaughter about how friends should treat one another, and how to tell when someone is treating her unkindly. You can let her know — in a way she can understand — how important it is to treat people with kindness, consideration, and respect, and that this is how friends treat one another.

Stay attuned to your granddaughter. Let her know that you can talk to her about things that confuse, upset or puzzle her. Support her healthy friendships, but do not restrict her ability to spend time with her best friend. But while they are together, stay present. Watch and have a plan in place to gently de-escalate and derail any troubling behaviors.

Above all, stay connected, and enjoy sharing this magical time with your little girl. As I am sure you know, it goes by fast!

Main Image Photo Credit: www.instagram.com

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

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Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Convince My Kids That My Granddaughter’s Best Friend Is A Bully?

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani

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