Lifestyle / Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I’m Afraid My Childhood Bully Will Be Back In My Life, What Do I Do?

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I’m Afraid My Childhood Bully Will Be Back In My Life, What Do I Do?

Lifestyle Feb 07, 2024

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani continues her series where she gives advice on life, love and everything in between. “Rebullied” has moved back to her own childhood town due to her husbands job transfer. However she is being constantly reminded of the childhood bully she had to endure when she was younger. She is trying to make the move a pleasant one and rediscover the town that she grew up in but this nagging feeling of being afraid to run into her bully is becoming more than she can handle. Dr. Monica Vermani offers advice on the fear of being retraumatized.

[About the Contributor: Dr. Monica Vermani (@drmonicavermani) is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.]

Dear Dr. Monica,

After living abroad for many years, my partner and I resettled in the small city where I grew up. I had mixed feelings about settling in the place where I spent my childhood, but since my partner fell in love with this city, and our career opportunities brought us to the area, I agreed to give it a try.

So far, so great, reconnecting with old friends, and settling into a wonderful new home and familiar surroundings, except for one thing. When I was a kid, I was mercilessly bullied for years by a group of boys — beaten up, had my lunch money stolen, home homework destroyed, and other humiliations, and the ring leader of my bullies is now smack dab in the middle of my social circle.

While no one else seems bothered by these memories, my bully seems to remember our childhood relationship as friendly and fun-filled. I, on the other hand, still feel traumatized by this person and struggle with being at dinner parties and community events where he inevitably is part of the fun.

I have had a very successful career, and a happy life, but in the presence of my childhood bully, I feel like that helpless kid, just waiting for the next blow.

How can I put my childhood trauma in the past?

Signed,

Rebullied

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I'm Afraid My Childhood Bully Will Be Back In My Life, What Do I Do? — **Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I’m Afraid My Childhood Bully Will Be Back In My Life, What Do I Do : “Rebullied” is scared that her childhood trauma will come back to haunt her**. Photo Credit: www.pexels.com

Dear Rebullied,

The British National Child Development Study, landmark research on the lasting impact of childhood bullying, concluded that the impact of childhood bullying can last a lifetime. Many victims of childhood bullying suffer from anxiety, depression, social phobias, low self-esteem, and/or a lack of trust in people. Further, a significant number of adults who experienced bullying as children suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).

Based on the details of your life that you have shared in your letter, you have built a happy and successful life. This tells me that you are resilient, resourceful, self-aware, and have compassion for yourself. I am optimistic that you will act on the advice I am about to give you to help you navigate your current situation, and that your impressive level of self-awareness, will compel you to reach out and seek help.

You are unlikely to find closure or peace of mind from your bullies and passive bystanders. You will find the help, support, and strategies you need with a credentialed mental health professional. Talk to your partner, if you have not already done so, and give them the opportunity to be of support to you as you move forward in this new chapter of your life.

Main Image Photo Credit: Pexels.com

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

COMMENTS

BioAro Founder Dr. Anmol Kapoor Wants You To Be The CEO Of Your Health

Hot Spot Alert: Mishree Cocktails & Cuisine Exhilarates With South Asian X Middle Eastern Cuisine

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Create "Me Time" In My Demanding Life?

10 Tips To Manage & Survive Long-Distance Relationships

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Can I Convince My Friend That Her Threatening Boyfriend Is The Problem, Not Me?

7 Ways Yoga Will Save Your Mental Health

The Living Luxe Design Show Presented By JennAir Announces Powerhouse Program Of Speakers

Flavourful Festivities: Traditional Holi Recipes To Spice Up Your Table

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: I’m Afraid My Childhood Bully Will Be Back In My Life, What Do I Do?

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani

COMMENTS

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE