Lifestyle / Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Sis-In-Law That Her Messy Dog Is Not Welcome At My House?

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Sis-In-Law That Her Messy Dog Is Not Welcome At My House?

Lifestyle Sep 13, 2023

by Dr. Monica Vermani

We continue our series where Dr. Monica Vermani answers questions about life, love and everything in between.

Dr. Monica Vermani (@drmonicavermani) is a Clinical Psychologist specializing in treating trauma, stress and mood & anxiety disorders, and the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. She is a well-known speaker, columnist and advocate in the field of mental health and wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is now available on Amazon, and her in-depth online self-help program, A Deeper Wellness, offers powerful mental health guidance, life skills, knowledge and healing, anywhere, anytime.

Dear Dr. Monica,

I have been married for two years, and my husband and I have been really happy, with very few issues between us. We enjoy hosting family and friends, and our home has become the go-to spot for weekend get-togethers and family celebrations.

But things changed when my husband’s sister moved back to town. Everyone in his family refers to her as ‘the baby,’ and seems to give her general lack of manners and consideration for others a complete pass. (She may be the baby of the family, but she is an independent 27-year-old woman). Family dynamics and mildly inconsiderate behavior I can deal with. What is driving me crazy is the fact that ‘the baby’ brings her massive shedding dog with her every time she comes to our house. (This dog weighs over 100 lbs.)

The dog becomes the center of attention and life of the party whenever he show up. He slinks up on couches and wedges himself in between my sister-in-law and whoever is sitting beside her. Or he parks himself in front of people and barks at them until they move, and then climbs into the vacant chair. (This never fails to amuse my in-laws.) He tucks himself under the dining room table when we sit down to dinner, and licks people’s feet. He constantly demands to go outside or play ball in the house, all while leaving a trail of fur and drool, and dragging in sticks and leaves in from outside.

If I complain about the hours of clean-up required after the dog has left, my husband says he doesn’t mind, and that he loves that dog. Last week, he brought home a new vacuum cleaner, designed for picking up pet hair. When I suggested that he return the vacuum cleaner and that we ban the dog from family gatherings, he made it clear that the dog is a family member, and that I need to lighten up and stop worrying about having a perfect house!

Am I wrong here? Is my sister-in-law out of line? Should I stand my ground and ban the dog?

Signed

Dog-tired

Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Sis-In-Law That Her Messy Dog Is Not Welcome At My House? — Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Sis-In-Law That Her Messy Dog Is Not Welcome At My House: “Dog-tired” is literally tired of having to clean up after her sister-in-law’s 100 pound messy dog visits her home. Photo Credit: Unsplash

Dear Tired,

One of the main reasons we suffer in life is that we don’t accept people and situations as they are. Many of us struggle to change the behaviors or attitudes of people in our lives that upset or distress us and end up disappointed, hurt, and discouraged by their refusal to change. There is a concept called radical acceptance. It is a concept that embraces the power of accepting people and things as they are as a means of avoiding suffering. Acceptance — radical or otherwise — won’t change the reality of your messy dog situation, but it will empower you to make changes within your control to alleviate your suffering and discomfort.

For better or for worse, the reality is that you have married into a dog-loving family. You have two choices here: ban the dog and risk alienating your in-laws, or accept the reality that this dog is a full-fledged family member, and assign all post-visit clean-up duties to your husband.

Main Image Photo Credit: Unsplash

Dr. Monica Vermani

Author

Dr. Monica Vermani is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in treating trauma, stress, mood & anxiety disorders and is the founder of Start Living Corporate Wellness. Her book, A Deeper Wellness, is coming out in 2021. www.drmonicavermani.com

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Ask Dr. Monica Vermani: How Do I Tell My Sis-In-Law That Her Messy Dog Is Not Welcome At My House?

by Dr. Monica Vermani

Dr. Monica Vermani

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