Issue / Creating The Love You Want

by Anokhi Admin

Creating The Love You Want

Mar 08, 2015

Building the Base for Love

The foundation is the ground that we build upon. Obviously, if we want to build something that can weather a storm, we have to start with a sturdy foundation.

So what is the foundation of all relationships? It's the relationship you have with yourself. If your internal foundation is shaky — for example, if you have insecurities and negative self-concepts — then the relationships you build on top of that are going to feel shaky too.

If you have a solid sense of self, you're less likely to crumble when things don't go as planned. And things aren't always going to go as planned. When we're insecure, we naturally try to control the people and things around us, but we fail because it's impossible to control things that exist outside of you.

Instead, you must go within to find your strength. This is where your true sense of sturdiness lives. So, how do you do it? It’s simple (but not always easy): Know who you really are. When I say this, I don't mean know your name and how you like to spend your time (although these things are important). I'm talking about going beyond that — knowing what your true essence is.

Know that you are magnificent. Know that you are supremely important. Know that you are worthy. Know that you are love.

When we know ourselves in a deep, spiritual way, we know that we are much greater than we give ourselves credit for. Many of us identify with our wounds and faults: "I'm bad at relationships," "I'm not good with money." Or even worse; "I'm not very smart," "I'm not attractive enough." Those things are not the truth about you. Not even close. Those are your ego's stories — your limited self-concept. But they don't define the real you.

If you identify with your limited self-concept, then naturally you try to get other people to make you feel worthy. But anytime you're depending on something outside of you to feel secure, you're in trouble because everything outside of us moves and shakes. That's the nature of life.

Know that there's a truth that exists beyond all these stories. This is the truth of your soul. It knows that no matter what, you are an amazing person. Do you make mistakes? Yes. But underneath those mistakes is a desire to do better next time; to let the best version of yourself shine. Things are going to shake you. People are going to try to convince you that you're not so great. Don't listen to them.

Build your internal foundation. Know who you really are and never forget it. You are nothing short of magnificent. Find this inner source of love and hold on tightly; it will keep you steady through all the changing tides.

Shelly Bullard, MFT, is an internationally renowned love coach and spiritual advisor. She is devoted to guiding people to claim their confidence, love, beauty, grace and inner strength, so they can create relationships and lives they love. www.shellybullard.com

BY SHELLY BULLARD
ILLUSTRATION BY FOTOLIA.COM
PUBLISHED IN MARCH 2015/ THE FASHION & STYLE ISSUE