/ Blended Families and Geo-Targeted Dating

by Anokhi Admin

Blended Families and Geo-Targeted Dating

Apr 04, 2014

Q: What are some things to consider when getting into a relationship when you and your partner both have children from previous relationships?

When you’re getting into a relationship with someone who has children, and you have children of your own, there are a number of emotions and feelings that can come up not only for you as the parents, but for the children as well. The conversations you need to have depend on the age of the children, but here are some general things to make sure you communicate with your partner.

Discuss the Details

How does your partner want to integrate kids into your relationship? Have you talked about where your relationship is headed in a way that lets you know you can be confident introducing your children to them?

Discuss things like overnight visits and disciplining before hand. How would you handle grown-up sleepovers? Will they only happen when the kids aren’t home or will you be spending time in each other’s homes with them around? Anything you decide is okay, but talking about it first may help alleviate some of the initial awkwardness.

How would discipline work? Do you both feel comfortable with the other disciplining your kids or would you prefer they let you in on what happens and you handle it? Are there family or religious traditions that each of you want to continue for your children that you might not collectively share?

Family Dates

If you both have kids, I suggest going on some dates with one set of kids at a time (you, him and your kids at one time and then you, him and his kids) before you all try to do something together as a group. As a parent, you know your children best and know what “personality snags” may occur between the sets of children when they meet. Talk those out with your partner first.

Happiness in Love

Your kids are your priority, of course, but so is being happy in your love life. If they are old enough, check in with your kids regularly to see how they feel about the person you’re dating and the other set of children. They might not speak up on their own, but if you show them that you are interested in how they feel, they will tell you and give you a chance to discuss any concerns with your partner. You don’t have to let them make decisions regarding your relationship, but making sure everyone is heard is important.

Q: What are the pros and cons of using real-time and geo-targeted dating apps like Tinder?

Geo-targeted dating apps like Tinder can be a great way to connect with people in your area. Keeping yourself open to the opportunities can help build your confidence in your ability to connect or flirt with people if you usually feel awkward or shy in person. They also give you a chance to connect with someone you might not have met otherwise.

Another pro is you can choose to only get matched with and chat with people who have “liked” you, so you don’t have to worry about reaching out to someone that has no interest in you.

The cons of apps like these are that it’s difficult to get a sense of someone’s personality from just a photo. You could easily be discounting someone you would find attractive in person or who you would get along great with just because they aren’t what you picture as your ideal mate or because you haven’t made an emotional connection.

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_{Kavita J. Patel is a relationship expert and love coach and is the founder of Outrageously Happy Relationships. She specializes in helping women to single-handedly transform their love lives through the power of releasing trapped beliefs, breaking through love blocks and opening their hearts to love in a brand new way. www.kavitajpatel.com}