/ Let Love In

by Kavita Patel

Let Love In

May 15, 2013

Three Magic Words to Attract the Man of Your Dreams

Why am I attracting all of the wrong kind of guys? Why can’t I attract a man who I am equally attracted to; one who gives me butterflies when I am around him?

Some of us have given up on getting what we want in love. We tell ourselves that we are chasing after a fairytale or a romantic comedy. We begin to believe that finding a partner who meets our needs and wants doesn’t exist because of the hurt we have felt in the past. If you are totally resonating with these questions and thoughts then I ask you: Do you trust men? Do you trust yourself enough to know who is right for you and who isn’t, or are you constantly questioning your judgment or yourself when you are around men? Well, if a “YES” appeared in your mind like the magic 8-ball, then you want to ask yourself, “Is my love light on so that my dream man can find me?”

Let me first define this for you. Having your love light on means that you are open. You are not questioning people’s intentions. You aren’t searching for the right thing to say. You aren’t trying to guess how you can impress or not impress the man you’re with. You are in a space where you feel right with yourself, and who you are is naturally shining through. In one word, you are embodying trust. When you trust yourself and others you are tuned into attracting exactly the kind of man you are looking for in life, and you stop trying to make things “work” with the men who, deep down inside, you know aren’t exciting you.

Some of us walk around with the belief that it is better to be guarded, not become vulnerable, or let someone in for fear of getting hurt. We say, “I don’t want to look like the naïve or the stupid one who put herself in a position to get hurt.” We tell ourselves that we will open up once we find the “right” person to be vulnerable with and trust. Well, I am here to show you that without trust you can’t even access love. You can’t attract the perfect person for you and you won’t even know he is in front of you unless you know how to trust.

There is a study that shows the power of choosing to trust. I love this study because it flies in the face of popular belief and ideals. We think trust is something that someone earns or proves through their action and words. The problem with this way of thinking is that it leaves you powerless, and, in actuality, trust is a choice. You either choose to trust someone or you don’t. This is seen over and over again when we have friends that did something in the past that felt like betrayal, but we choose to forgive and trust again.

In the study, the researchers asked a group of MBA students whether people high or low in trust would be better at detecting lies. Eighty-five per cent of the MBA students thought that people who don’t trust as much would be better at detecting lies than the people who trust more than others. They measured 29 participants in how trusting they were and had them watch eight videos of staged job interviews. In the simulated job interviews, half of the interviewees were completely truthful and half sprinkled the interviews with lies to make themselves more attractive job candidates. After watching the interviews, each participant was tested to see if they could pick out the interviews that were truthful versus the ones with lies. What the study showed was that the “high trusters” were significantly better than the “low trusters” at identifying the lies. This study proves that high trusters are far from gullible and that low trusters’ defensiveness actually prevented them from detecting the truth.

My translation of this study is that when you’re in a trusting state you are in alignment with yourself and your intuition. You are open to noticing and taking in all of the little subtleties of everything around you, instead of closing yourself off to being affected by other people’s energy. In the study findings the high trusters were more likely to pay attention to the classic signs of lying, which include fidgeting and changes in vocal intonation and quality.

The way this plays out in attracting the man of your dreams is that when you are in a trusting state, your love light is on. Now your ideal man has some sort of flare to be looking out for. He begins to see the signs that get him closer to you, and you can easily bypass the men that your love light is not in tune with. This allows you to no longer feel frustrated with attracting men that don’t give you those butterfly moments.

How do we cultivate and make the conscious choice to trust? My simplest technique is to say to yourself out loud: “I TRUST MYSELF.”

You will instantly feel a shift. Say it right now, and then feel how that resonates within your body. This is now your mantra before you go to bed, when you wake up in the morning, while you are out at a party, or on a date. With just these three words, you will begin to see the magic flow and be able to tap into the sensation of trust, so that you can embody it.

Lost in Love? Email her @ [email protected]

Kavita J Patel is a relationship expert and love coach and is the founder of Outrageously Happy Relationships. She specializes in helping women to single-handedly transform their love lives through the powers of releasing trapped beliefs, breaking through love blocks, and opening their hearts to love in a brand-new way. www.kavitajpatel.com.

BY KAVITA J. PATEL / PUBLISHED IN THE FASHION & STYLE ISSUE, OCTOBER 2012

Kavita Patel

Author

Kavita J Patel is a Relationship Expert and Love Specialist on a mission to help women worldwide make quantum leaps in their happiness and love lives. As a second-generation Indian American, Kavita's Indian heritage and spirituality deeply inform her coaching, and bring a blend of Eastern and W...