Issue 49 / How To Handle Your Fears Of Rejection

by Yvonne Sinniah

How To Handle Your Fears Of Rejection

May 11, 2016

Getting rejected can be the worst feeling. However, there are key ways to handle it so it doesn't feel like it's the end of the world.

Have you had your stomach overturn when someone has said "no" to you or even said that they no longer want to be in a relationship with you? This has happened at some point in everyone’s life and many times we have conditioned ourselves to very rarely put ourselves in scenarios where someone can possibly reject us. This fear of rejection can be daunting and painful and is one of our deepest most entrenched human fears.

Rejection can make us second guess our self-worth and has the ability to make us feel like we don’t belong. Even worse is the feeling of shame leaving us feeling powerless. The South Asian culture has also conditioned generations to believe that a successful life is one in which you are with a partner. This belief can exacerbate the fear of rejection when experiencing a breakup or when your partner distances himself for a period of time.

So why do we fear rejection? Biologically wired with a longing to belong, we fear being seen in a critical way. We’re anxious about the prospect of being cut off, demeaned or isolated. We fear being alone. We dread change.

Overcoming the fear of rejection can be very freeing for your soul. There are some very productive and helpful suggestions that can minimize your fear of rejection allowing you to experience life in a more fulfilling way.

1. Feel those feelings.

Oh this is a tough one! Letting yourself feel your feelings can trigger some deep historical pain and your thoughts can spiral into sadness about the past or anxiety about your future. However, letting yourself feel can be one of the most powerful ways to reveal your inner truths about what the current situation truly is about. Many times our overwhelming negative feelings about a present uncomfortable situation are really about past unresolved scenarios that left you feeling abandoned causing you to make assumptions about the present situation. Explore your feelings and dig deep as it can truly help propel you forward in life.

^{It can feel bad. Really bad.

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2. Ask yourself why.

Why do you fear rejection so much? Why is your current situation making you so fearful? Ask yourself those questions. So a relationship ended, so your partner doesn’t want to make it work with you. Why does that have to mean that you were rejected? Why does your self-worth come into question? Asking yourself why you fear rejection will help you get to the bottom of your fears. An example of how to use the “why” tool can look like this: Why do You Fear Rejection? Because it makes me feel ashamed that someone I chose to love doesn’t want to love me back. Why do you feel ashamed about that (there are so many that love you)? Because it makes me feel like I’m not worthy of love when that person doesn’t love me. Why do you feel not worthy? Because in the past I had people leave me and I felt abandoned and alone and it’s happening again, so it must be me. Why do you think it is about you? And so on. The "why" tool reveals assumptions and can be an effective way to get to the bottom of your fears with some additional support.

^{Why are you scared of rejection?

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3. Talk your fears out with a trusted advisor.

Taking the time to process fears of any kind with a trusted coach, mentor or advisor will assist you in getting to a better space. This external objective perspective will help identify your entrenched beliefs and conditioning that are holding you back from releasing your fears and living life fully. Usually everyone has their go-to friends who help you understand your irrational fears. If you don’t have these friends in your network or if you are looking to have a more objective view of your life judgment then invest in an advisor, coach or therapist so you can break through those fears and debunk any myths that you have been telling yourself.

^{Talk it out.

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4. Debunk your limiting beliefs.

In our culture, rejection in a romantic relationship can easily be equated to failure and this is simply not the case. You can live a very successful and happy life on your own. This is a very clear example of a limiting belief that can hold you back from living a full life. Unravelling this belief is important so you don’t let historical conditioning prevent you from being present and enjoying the gifts in your life. The end of a relationship does not mean you are a failure. Remember that!

^{Don't deflect. Debunk.

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5. Practice overcoming the fear of rejection.

Learn to hear “no” more often and be present with how that makes you feel. Have a look at entrepreneur Jia Jiang’s experience with rejection and her video "Surprising Lessons Learned from a 100 days of Rejection." When someone rejects your request, how do you feel? The point here is to overcome any shameful feelings. Overcoming the shame of rejection is so very powerful and allows you to ask more and put yourself out there more in life.

A very practical step I have personally used if any fears arise is to do something nice for yourself and do something nice for others. It will remind you that you are part of a larger community and that we are all spiritual beings having a very human experience.

^{It's all about being part of a community.

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Yvonne Sinniah

Author

Yvonne Sinniah (@YvonneSinniah) is a Relations Advisor and inspirational speaker focusing on helping individuals achieve success in personal and professional environments. focusing on helping individuals achieve success in personal and professional environments. She is on a mission to meet a nee...