Issue 39 / Before You Find Your Soulmate, Find Your Soul, Mate

by Rachna Sethi

Before You Find Your Soulmate, Find Your Soul, Mate

Mar 01, 2016

**When searching for the one, you must also look at spiritual compatibility with your ideal partner.**

There are over seven billion people in the world. There are two ways to approach that fact when it comes to love:

The first is to believe you won’t find your partner. How could you possibly find your one true match in an enormous population with a culture that seems focused on always searching for the next best thing? The visual of finding a needle in a haystack comes to mind.

The second way to approach it is by believing that with that amount of people in the world, of course you will find someone to love. With so many people, it’s just a matter of time before you find your partner and in the meantime instead of worrying, you should enjoy life.

Not a fan of crying (my mascara is expensive), I embrace the latter approach. Despite being an eternal optimist when it comes to love, my late 20s were spent feeling restless by the way my fate was unfolding. Single and approaching 30, I was aware my life was different from the South Asian cultural norm in which I was brought up. I was always lead to believe I would be a married homeowner with kids but my 20s flew by in a flash with no prospect in sight.

On a mission to understand why things weren’t working out that way, I quit my job and took two years to travel throughout Europe in search for a better understanding of love. Perhaps I watched Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge too many times and was approaching the move like a hopeless romantic but I knew a big life change would result from the journey. Unlike the classic film, I didn’t find my Raj but what I did find was something better; an understanding of what love truly is and what it takes to make a spiritual relationship work. The big thing in my life that changed was me.

^{Every relationship has its own romantic story.}
^{Photo Credit: www.etc.in}

My advice to anyone searching for love or unhappy in their current relationship is to take a deep breath, step back and stop worrying. Before you can have a healthy relationship, you need a healthy mind.

So how do you do that? Put away the ice cream, stop crying, stop googling "why am I single?" and/or "why doesn’t he/she love me?" and try these approaches instead.

^{Listen to yourself.}
^{Photo Credit: www.winkingplum.com}

Trust

Trust everything. The universe, the process and most importantly, yourself. Your gut instinct is always right, especially when it comes to love. Most of us have experienced some form of heartache as a result of silencing our instincts to follow our desires. Sometimes we want a relationship so badly that we supress feelings of unease thinking that naturally, in time, they will pass. Our fear of being alone makes us stay with days turning into months, months turning into years, slowly losing ourselves in a relationship that doesn’t make us happy. Some of us ask our family or friends for advice when in reality we have the answers. Sit with yourself and don’t be afraid of your thoughts. No one knows what is better for you than you. Trust yourself. Love when you’re ready not when you’re lonely.

Stop pursuing perfection.

Influenced by Bollywood and Hollywood, we are constantly absorbing conscious and unconscious messages about what an ideal relationship is. In the world outside of fairy tales, people aren’t perfect. Everyone has flaws but in our own ways we are perfectly imperfect. It’s important to be with someone that makes you feel comfortable, who encourages you to be your best and who will whole heartedly accept you at your worst. We have a tendency to compare ourselves and relationships to others which leads to problems. We are all unique individuals therefore logically our idea of perfection will be different. What works like a dream for one couple can be a nightmare for another. Let go of the idea of a perfect relationship and focus on a partnership that makes you feel secure, calm and lovable, imperfections and all.

perfection, beauty, imperfect, love, natural, relationships, marc jacobs

^{Words of wisdom by a top fashion designer.}
^{Photo Credit: www.pininterest.com}

Focus on yourself first.

Many spiritual-based practices encourage us to make a list of the qualities we want in a partner. Through making this list, we are led to believe we are sending out the positive energy required to attract this partner who will one day magically manifest. Instead of making a list about someone else, make a list about yourself. What do you bring to the table? Are you bringing the same qualities that you are seeking? Focus on being your best self before you expect the best from someone else. I do believe in the law of attraction and encourage conjuring positive energy but it’s important to know ourselves before we can know what we want in a partner.

^{Create a list of all the qualities you have.

Photo Credit: www.mindtheproduct.com}

^{Main Image Photo Credit: www.n-lightenment.com}

Rachna Sethi

Author

Rachna (@thesassyspiritual) is a graduate of the Applied Mindfulness Meditation program from the University of Toronto, a certified Educator with two bachelor degrees and a diploma in Art Therapy. She's dedicated to living with a compassionate approach. Committed to helping people integrate Mindfuln...