Boomer, Gen X And Gen Y — Three Moms From Different Generations Share Their Motherhood Experiences And More

In the spirit of Mother’s Day, we speak to three moms — Vasantha Rajan, Kiran Di Lorenzo and Krithika Ramesh —who belong to different generations: Rajan as a Boomer, Di Lorenzo as the Gen Xer and Ramesh as the Gen Y/Millennial. They each share their unique experiences on being a mom during their respective eras, bringing to the table an interesting portrait of differences and similarities especially when it comes to culture, their upbringing and technology. Blending traditional and modern — these three women were excited to be part of this interview. 

(Also a side note: It was not tough to get hold of Boomer mom, Vasantha Rajan, and Gen Y mom Krithika under the same roof. Well, Krithika recently delivered a baby boy and her grandmum is there to help and support her.)

Tell us briefly about yourself: 

Vasantha Rajan (Boomer): I am 79 years old. I was born in Kanchipuram, Tamil Nadu, and was brought up in Delhi. I was married in 1958 at a very young age of 16 years to Chakra Varadachari Soundar Rajan. We are blessed with 5 children, 7 grandchildren, and 2 great-grandchildren.

Kiran Di Lorenzo (Gen X): I’m 43 years old and I’m a mom of two wonderful kids, my son Bassil who is 14 years of age and my daughter Khatija who is eight years of age. I grew up in the Niagara region: born in Welland, raised in Port Colborne and currently live in Fonthill Ontario in Canada. I studied Biochemistry for two years at Brock University and then completed my Bachelor of Commerce in Information Technology Management at Ryerson University in Toronto.  Tony and I got married in 2000 when  was 23 years of age. I worked at a marketing firm straight out of the gate for seven years, working  my way up to becoming a Project Manager. I presently manage rental properties that my husband and I own.

Krithika Ramesh (Gen Y/Millennial): I’m 34 years old. I completed my education in Bangalore and Chennai, India. I’ve been working as an IT consultant for the last 13 years. I met my better half Pradeep in 2014. We have been working and living in Portsmouth, UK for the last 6 years. We recently welcomed our darling boy Vidur into the world this year.

How would you describe your life when you got married?

VR (Boomer): Mine was an arranged marriage into a beautiful joint family. I was too young to understand anything at that point, however, my in-law’s family members were very warm and welcomed me happily. Having lost my mother at a very young age, my mother-in-law was more than a mother to me and she lived with us. Those were the golden days and I cherish them immensely.

KD (Gen X): I was only halfway through my degree when I decided to get married. A decision we felt was best at the time because we did not want to wait another two years before we were married. My husband is of Italian/Irish heritage and therefore, the time leading up to the wedding was contentious to say the least. We came from two different cultures, religions and socio-economic backgrounds therefore there was a large learning curve for both of our families.

KR (Gen Y/Millennial): I did not know what to expect in an arranged marriage in today’s world. So, my husband and I went on a few dates and decided to get married to each other only after we felt a bit compatible. My in-laws are quite open minded. My husband is a very adventurous person and I experienced a whole new world with him. We travelled to more than 20 countries and backpacked through exotic locations in Europe which were amazing experiences.

How would you describe your style?

VR (Boomer): In my generation, the saree was the preferred attire for a woman. So, when I had daughters, I brought them up to be modern in both their outlook and attire.

KD (Gen X): I have always had a modest sense of style [in both traditional and western styles], it’s always with a touch of chamak and animal print. I never wore anything too revealing or risqué, even as a teenager.

KR (Gen Y/Millennial): I love wearing both traditional Indian and western attire. I wear Indian attire for any festival or traditional gatherings. I stick to western clothes on a daily basis, as it is more convenient when I head out for work.

How would you describe your journey to motherhood?  

VR (Boomer): In my 62 years of marriage, the most memorable time was my motherhood. I had a normal delivery [natural delivery] for all my five children. I was 18 when I had my first child and back then we didn’t have epidural options or any medicines. We went to a small clinic near my house and I was discharged in a day. As I was in a joint family, I had a lot of help in bringing up my children. When I had my eldest daughter, Hema, we didn’t realize she had a small fracture on her leg. Every time, she raised her leg, she would cry a lot. They then did a scan and found out the fracture. She had to stay in a cast for a few weeks as a baby — there was no facility to find this out during the pregnancy or at birth. Coming to think of it, I think people judged the health of a baby based on his/her weight. Women also didn’t have the option to choose cesareans.

KD (Gen X): Both of my pregnancies were high risk due to my pre-existing health issues. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis at the age of 20. As I had to be off most of my medications for my first pregnancy, I always had a worry in the back of my mind that I would not be able to conceive and/or carry a child to full term. We started planning for a baby two years before we got the green light from my specialists to try to conceive.

With Bassil I was treated at the Special Pregnancy Clinic at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto. I was seen by the amazing team consisting of an obstetrician and a rheumatologist that specialized in fetal immunology. The office that I worked at was not the most family/child friendly and I was terrified about telling my bosses. I thought that they would be disappointed in me so I waited until I was four months along and was bursting out of my clothes. Unfortunately, I had flare ups throughout my pregnancy (many patients go into remission during pregnancy) and finally had to stop working a month and a half before my due date.

My mother had planned a ghodh barahi (an Indian themed baby shower) for me with 40 of our friends and family and she was cooking up a storm. I was staying at my parent’s place for the weekend when suddenly I felt a gush of fluid. The next thing we know we are rushing back to Mount Sinai to be admitted with ruptured membranes (my water breaking more than a month before my due date). I was in shock and completely unprepared for this bump in the road. After being in the hospital for more than a week and spending several days in the Labour and Delivery Unit I gave birth to my first born, Bassil.

What ensued was several weeks of trips back and forth to the hospital due to postnatal complications. And I felt like I didn’t spend enough time bonding with my baby. Bassil was an exceptionally active boy and needed a lot of attention and energy. We decided to try for baby #2 when Bassil was five years old. This time I didn’t have to be off my medication as at this point several years of testing was done.

We were living in Hamilton at the time and I was referred to the high risk clinic at McMaster Children’s Hospital. We were much more prepared and I had a feeling that she was going to come one month earlier as Bassil did. Low and behold, like clock work, my water broke and I was admitted to the hospital and spent over a week in the Labour and Delivery Clinic before Khatija was born via c-section — she also came a month early.

My post-natal experience was also complicated as I kept getting infections. For both of my children’s births I had the unwavering support and love from my parents even while my father was fighting a terminal illness. I would have been lost without their help at the time.

KR (Gen Y/Millennial): My husband works at Birmingham and I work at Portsmouth and he would come home only during the weekends. So, after I found out I was pregnant, I decided to go to India. With work, I was not getting enough time to cook well for myself. I knew my folks will help plus there’s always outside support. I knew the sex of our baby when I was pregnant, and I was able to plan and shop all that is required for the first couple of months post-delivery. I travelled back to India during my last trimester and had my baby there. Although I planned a lot, nothing prepared me for the journey of motherhood when I saw my son. I forgot everything. It was a moment of bliss. Unlike my mother’s era, I brought an automatic breast pump which is very useful and will be handy once I resume work post-maternity leave.

Was it easier to raise your child during your respective times as compared to in today’s environment?

VR (Boomer): As there was no demand or expectation back then, it was very easy to bring up my children the way I wanted. I lost my mother when I was eight and I looked up to my mother-in-law a lot. In my case, I was supremely fortunate to find a family that was “chilled out” for their time. My mother-in-law guided me through the childbirth and parenting, but never crossed a line. This was a rarity back then because every other person (whether related or not) would have loads of tips and advice they would share unnecessarily. The only thing my in-laws would tell me is not to cuddle and spoil the children too much as they need to be independent. But other than that, I had the freedom to raise and discipline them the way I wanted.

KD (Gen X): I would have rather raised my kids in the same environment that I was raised in as opposed to present day. With tech comes heightened social pressures, especially in teens. Children nowadays are glued to their devices and are missing out on face to face interactions with peers. As a parent, I cannot see what my child is seeing and who he/she is chatting with online. My son’s entire social world is online conversing with friends on Snapchat.

Technology has helped me in many ways however, it hasn’t particularly helped with parenting skills as I believe that is something that comes from within. I also feel that an iPhone can be addictive and a distraction from seeing and enjoying the small things in life. I felt like I was a lot more engaged with Bassil and he had my undivided attention at all times. I was not interested in texting or messaging at the time. The only way to communicate was either by telephone or email.

With Khatija however, I felt like there were many competing factors for my attention. I believe technology played a big part. On top of all the other daily tasks that need to be done in one’s day, now you are expected to read/respond in quick speed to all messages, texts, emails and phone calls. This gets cumbersome at times and I just feel like turning my phone off. I have recently started to put my phone down in another room or my purse and spend uninterrupted time with my family which I find freeing.

KR (Gen Y/Millennial): As I have become a parent recently, I don’t have much to say. I hope I can teach my son to have a broad outlook in life and pursue what interests him without being judged by others. We just want to raise him to be a good human being.

Do you think technology has changed the way of life in terms of resources available for moms?               

VR (Boomer): Life has changed drastically with the advent of technology. We didn’t have YouTube for rhymes or any sort of platform to get more information. We relied on the experienced and the old women of the house for everything. But after my grandkids kept talking about Facebook, I joined social media to keep in touch with my grandkids in the US and UK. I have also tried to install a few apps and to teach my husband. I am always looking to learn and so I am trying to keep up with the digital age. But when it comes to bringing up kids, we didn’t have Google telling us what to do if your baby coughs. This generation is lucky in so many ways.

KD (Gen X): Bassil was born 14 years ago and the digital era was not in full force i.e. we didn’t have iPhones, or YouTube etc. With Khatija we were immersed in it all. Gadgets such as iPads, iPhones and plastforms such as  Instagram and Facebook at first were great ways to reconnect/ interact with friends and family that are far away.  Now I feel like Instagram and Facebook are platforms for people to post filtered pictures of themselves looking 10 years younger and 30 pounds lighter. Everyone has posted how beautiful or successful their lives, partners and children are. This competition gets tiring and becomes overwhelming at times.

As for resources, I never actually googled anything for both kids. The only resource I used were books such as What To Expect When You’re Expecting. Obviously my mom helped a lot as Bassil was my first born and I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I only started using online resources for assistance in the last five years or so. I try not to get involved with online mom blogs and Facebook groups as I don’t find them very helpful and sometimes they can be toxic. There’s a lot of venting and negativity on those forums.

KR (Gen Y/Millennial): I cannot imagine life without technology. I use Google to find out what solids to give my child or what symptoms to expect after a vaccination shot was given. We use some sort of an app the entire day. My grandmum hates it though that I consult Google for every small thing. I wake up looking at my phone and my entire schedule is timed. I once tried waking Vidur up because he had slept beyond his sleep schedule and grandmum said, “Let him sleep, you are busy on your phone, anyway.” Much sarcasm! I get so much advice from different people on how to raise my kid and what do at each stage, researching on the internet helps me a lot as I know what is genuine and what is not.

What are the lessons that you have learned from your life, that you can pass on to the next-gen?

VR (Boomer): Value people and be humble.

KD (Gen X): Have patience and prioritize time with your children. Take advantage of current times being at home as once the world goes back to normal our lives will once again become a blur. Be kind to yourself, the house can be a mess, the laundry can be left unfolded. Put your iPhones and iPads away and be present in the moment with the most important treasures of your life.

KR (Gen Y/Millennial): Do what you would love to do in life and ignore anyone who judges.

What is the one life lesson you have learned from your mom?

VR (Boomer): Simplicity

KD (Gen X): My mother has taught me so much in life. I don’t know how to pear it down to one. She has taught me that family is absolutely everything and that cleanliness is godliness lol.

KR (Gen Y/Millennial): My mom is my rock and there are so many things I would like to learn from her but the standout is her flexibility and tolerant nature towards people. She resolves any conflict effectively and I hope I can adapt.

South Asian families really revere their values. What are some of the values that you were proud of in your generation but you find are missing in the next-gen?

VR (Boomer): Respect for elders. That was the biggest value of our times and was implemented strictly.

KD (Gen-X):  I feel like my mother’s generation were martyrs, in that they seldom spoke up if they were struggling. I think my generation is the perfect blend of both Boomers and Gen Y: we have our mother’s values and also understand the need for self-care.

My friends (both South Asian and non South Asian) have shared stories with me about witnessing the next generation of moms who seem to be having a more difficult time with their children. They seem to have designated themselves to be more liberal in sharing their feelings, their frustrations and their hardships — conveying a struggle that really shouldn’t be there.

KR (Gen Y/Millennial): Have no idea how the world is going to be and what the future holds.

Main Image Photo Credit: Alex Pasarelu/Unsplash