Lifestyle / It’s Okay To Be Alone: Why Solitude Is Good For The Soul

It’s Okay To Be Alone: Why Solitude Is Good For The Soul

Lifestyle Jan 08, 2021

by Rachna Sethi

We continue our holiday series: Our #ICYMI Stories Of 2020. We looked at the value of self-love and solitude especially in today’s highly-connected world of #couplesgoals.

While the world seem to be pairing up around us and we celebrate all that is love, it’s also important to remember that self-love is just as important, if not more so. Here are reasons why solitude is good for the soul and why it’s okay to be alone!

“If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone” Maxwell Maltz. Despite the logic and truth in this quote, why does there still seem to be hesitation around being alone? Read on to learn some of the benefits of solitude and learn how to turn feelings of FOMO (fear or missing out) into JOMO (joy of missing out).

There’s no denying the importance of connecting with others but we also need to understand and promote the importance of connecting with our self. In a world that’s full of busyness and noise, solitude and silence can feel like a luxury.

“In stillness, I find my true self,” this quote from South Asian physician, author and new age spiritual leader, Deepak Chopra is so simple yet so powerful. It sums up the importance of slowing down and connecting with our self. In theory this sounds easy but in our busy world, it can be difficult to practice. Why?

Humans are navigating through life more stimulated than ever before; we have opportunities to “connect” with people at our fingertips and yet some feel more disconnected then ever. It seems promoting constant interaction (through social media for example), may lead to a heightened pressure to have a lot of friends (and/or social media followers).

Cultural norms and expectations can also play a role in us feeling like we need to be in constant interaction. The norm for most South Asian’s is growing up in a family-orientated atmosphere with an emphasis on the importance of big families, big gatherings (weddings with 300 people are considered “smaller”). This isn’t to say the “more the merrier” mentality isn’t a positive, the benefits of social interaction and support are undeniable however so are the benefits of alone time. Though solo practices like meditation are valued and encouraged in South Asian communities, there still seems to be a stigma (especially for women) on doing other things alone. For example, when sharing stories about eating a meal, watching a movie or travelling alone (even if it’s to a spiritual trip at a yoga ashram), we experience a range of reactions, from puzzled expressions to looks of awe usually followed by “Really!?! You went alone!?! Wow … I couldn’t/wouldn’t do that.”

**Why Solitude Is Good For The Soul: Don’t let being alone stop you from experiencing the wonders of the world!** Photo Credit: www.telegraph.co.uk

People tend to automatically assume that if you’re alone, you’re lonely but that’s not always the case. Loneliness and solitude are two entirely different human experiences and while loneliness can be painful, solitude (once you get accustomed to it) can be blissful and full of benefits.

So, what are some of the benefits of solitude?

It can increase your productivity and creativity: Some studies show that solitude and privacy can increase productivity. When working alone, we can be less distracted by our environment and it’s easier to focus/finish our thoughts. Alone time can also make it easier to connect with your imagination and spark creativity.

It can improve your confidence: Getting to know yourself can bring you more clarity about your passions, purpose and priorities. When you have a grasp on those aspects of life, you can make decisions more suited to the outcomes you desire. As you get more comfortable with yourself, your self-love increases while the urge to people please begins to decrease.

It can lead to more authentic relationships: Have you ever gone to a party, event or hung out with someone simply because you felt you had nothing else to do? Sometimes our fear of being lonely drives us to sustain relationships that aren’t good for us. As your confidence increases, you’ll start to focus on the quality (not the quantity) of your friendships. You begin to value your energy/time more. Instead of socializing at events or with people that don’t fully enjoy, you’ll feel more empowered to say no and prioritize self-care. FOMO (fear of missing out) will turn to JOMO (joy of missing out).

It can prevent you from feeling lonely: As mentioned earlier, once you begin to enjoy your own company, you become your own best friend. Small moments to connect with yourself, meals, movies, travel, etc. shift from things you may have hesitated about (or felt lonely doing) to moments you hope and/or plan for. Instead of thinking “oh no, I don’t want to do that alone,” your thought process shifts to “oh yes, I get to do that alone.” Your mind is the only thing fully yours; sit with it, enjoy getting to know it and give it the attention and love it deserves.

How can you create time for solitude?

Don’t pressure yourself to start big; focus on the small shifts you can make throughout your day to connect with yourself. Enjoying solitude in silence is the end destination but here are some small steps you can take (and enjoy) on the way there:

Meditate: We’ve said it before and we’ve said it again, meditation has several benefits. If you feel you don’t have time for a long practice (end destination) or get overwhelmed if you feel your mind is racing too much, start small, even 5 minutes sitting with yourself is better than no minutes.

**Why Solitude Is Good For The Soul: Out with friends? Excuse yourself for a few minutes of alone time**. Photo Credit: *ww.edreams.com*

Close your door: Working in an office or at home? Have periods of the day where you close your door to create an environment for focused, alone-time. Working in an open space or sharing a room? Talk to your colleagues/family about having “quiet-time” during a part of the day; share this article with them if they need convincing on how it will benefit them as well!

Eat alone: Enjoy a meal alone to not only connect with yourself but with the experience of eating. Keep in mind when we say alone, we don’t mean eating by yourself while scrolling on your phone; step away from the technology and just be (chances are you’ll enjoy the taste of food more and feel fuller with less). We do appreciate and understand the importance of family meals so this may be something you do at lunch or on an afternoon snack break.

Go for a walk: Practice mindful walking by putting away your headphones and bringing more attention to the experience. Enjoy the fresh air and challenge yourself to find a new, cute spot in nature throughout your work where you can take a 5-minute break to sit with yourself.

Slow down your bath or shower: If you feel too “busy” for the above, turn your hygiene routine into something that gives you the opportunity to connect with yourself by slowing it down. Don’t listen to music or rush through it like a task, enjoy the few moments to yourself.

Put your phone on silent: Nothing can pull you out of solitude like the ping of a phone. Give yourself at least ten minutes a day that’s a “no phone zone.” If you’re a parent and/or caregiver and feel uncomfortable doing that in the day, aim for the evening when everyone’s home.

Take yourself on a “date”: We talk about the importance of “date” night in our relationships but ensure your relationship with yourself is included in that. Put down time for yourself (even once a month for 1-2 hours) in your calendar where you’ll take yourself on a “date” and do whatever you want – during that time, no one’s opinion on what activity you should do matters but yours!

Be patient: Solitude may not be something you enjoy at first but keep at it; in time, it does get easier. If none of the above work for you, reflect on what opportunities you have throughout the day to look inwards and go with that – there’s no hard rule on the best way to practice solitude, they key is to just start!

Main Image Photo Credit: www.telegraph.co.uk

Rachna Sethi

Author

Rachna (@thesassyspiritual) is a graduate of the Applied Mindfulness Meditation program from the University of Toronto, a certified Educator with two bachelor degrees and a diploma in Art Therapy. She's dedicated to living with a compassionate approach. Committed to helping people integrate Mindfuln...

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It’s Okay To Be Alone: Why Solitude Is Good For The Soul

by Rachna Sethi

Rachna Sethi

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